Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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