I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
