we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
