If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
