I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
