Man, jail baloney is awful.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
