So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
