Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
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