he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
