Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
