I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
