please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
