I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
