Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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