I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
