I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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