i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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