as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
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