So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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