So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
