guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
