You just made me feel so damn special
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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