You really coming over, don't trick.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
