What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
