I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
