Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
