our cab driver is having phone sex.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize