I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
