even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
