She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
