just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize