Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
