Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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