you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
