We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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