Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
How does one acquire holy water?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
