I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
