u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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