i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
