my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
