YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
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