This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
