Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
