you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
