Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
