i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
