My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I need a beard to bite.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
