I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
