In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
