I cut my penus on the lid.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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