shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
