we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Send help, water and tortillas.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
