he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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