The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
