It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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