She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
