Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
MIDGETS
????
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
