and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
