I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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