He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
