I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We just shotgunned beers for America
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
