im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
