What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
