Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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