Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You can't motorboat a personality
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
