I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
