I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I have aggressive nipples.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
