I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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