Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize