Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
