At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
