after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
