tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
