Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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