this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
