God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
