Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
