Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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