I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
