well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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