It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
oh god the rape fog is back!
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize