Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
