I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
