We're facebook friends in real life
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
