he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
as a side note pls kill me
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
