Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
