at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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