i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
