I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he thought i was a dude.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
