Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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