I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
