and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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