When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
