During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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