oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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