ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
