she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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